Moderation, and Compromise
Ladies and Gentleman,
My name is Ben Franklin and I am running for President of the United States of America! Over the following months, I will begin laying out my policy initiatives but to begin with, I will present my rationale and political ideology.
It has come to my attention that the people of our nation might need to receive a right-cross to the jaw by a fist clutching a roll of pennies. In other words: Americans need to be hit with COMMON CENTS. (Yes, it is going to be that type of essay…) Everywhere I look, I see vitriolic rhetoric (Translation: “harsh words”), which has poisoned the political process, proving that democracy is nothing more than multiple mobs competing through sheer auditory volume for political power. There is anger on both sides of the political spectrum. Congress is constipated from rival representatives trembling at the thought of attempting to calm their angry constituents. As we all know, frustration and anger increases from constipation and, therefore, the people’s emotions replace logic. This leads to irrational arguments, which cause the opposition to become more entrenched in their defensive position. It is a viciously fickle cycle. COMMON SENSE would argue that this is unsustainable. But I, Ben Franklin, may have the key to solving this problem. It’s called moderation!
Moderation, my friends, is the prescription to all remedies – be it alcohol, vice, religion, etc. It is the outcome of almost every policy initiative in the history of legislation. Firebrands on both sides of the political spectrum push for radicalized policies through their Bills. However, Bills become Laws by moving through a congressional filtration process, which always includes those who are fundamentally opposed to the bill. This is when “politicking” begins and the resulting Law is shaped into a faint shadow of the initial Bill. Therefore, COMMON SENSE would argue that the “politicking” process would theoretically be smoother if it were only pushing moderate policy bills. This is because the moderate bills would promote Compromise.
Now I understand that this word, “compromise”, is a dirty word for any stalwart for it requires one to forfeit some of their principles in the process. But COMMON SENSE tells us that people sacrifice their principles very quickly when the alternative is to sacrifice their self-interest. Pessimists argue that compromise fundamentally results with all negotiating parties leaving angry. This is a benefit! After all, COMMON SENSE argues that it is better to have the people unified in bitterness than to have one side feeling cheated and oppressed (… besides, if everyone is angry, has much changed?).
Furthermore, our country is founded on compromise. I had to console Thomas Jefferson, during the editing process of the Declaration of Independence, because he was horrified at the eighty individual edits to it! The Constitutional Convention was only successful because of multiple compromises (some of which were an unfortunate stain to the country’s legacy…) I shall paraphrase what I said at the end of that convention: we have a country of diverse peoples with various backgrounds and oft-competing interests meaning that compromise is the only way to succeed. COMMON SENSE therefore suggests that we begin our policy-shaping process with moderation and compromise.
If I am promoting a movement towards consistent, compromising creation of policies, I must establish a platform based off of rational, logical COMMON SENSE. This platform, therefore, implies that I am in need of a political party to promote this platform. Since the platform is a moderate platform – which attempts to compromise and unite the policy initiatives of both Democrats and Republicans – then COMMON SENSE necessitates the party to be the “DEMOCRATIC-REPUBLICANS”. It is a tribute to one of the original political parties, and also happens to be the party I was most affiliated with (so… COMMON SENSE). Our party mascot will be the EAGLE, because it is in the best interest for the country. I would have liked it to be the Wild Turkey, but I shall sacrifice my principles for the greater good (do you see how it works?!). I shall, of course, be the leader, and another Great Compromiser, Henry Clay, will be the Vice-Presidential nominee. Our policy initiatives will be laid out throughout the following months based on COMMON SENSE and logic, over emotion.
DISCLAIMER: To those of you in my SMALL circle of readers who would assume that these policy proposals presented presently (Huzzah! for alliterations!) reflect my principles wholly, I warn you to BE WARY. For it is my expectation that these policies will be manipulated and shaped through any political process which may be expected to scrutinize it. Therefore I challenge you to take no offense to any policies, for they are simply musings of a rationalist and a skeptic who has observed the history of human nature.
My intentions for these proposals are to provide entertaining thought-nuggets based on my limited, though highly heralded, skill in logic. I do not gauge success for my venture from the increase in followers, but rather, through the quality of productive discourse produced. My multiple roles in founding this country have always been in the form of educating through anecdotes and abstract thought. I challenge you to find weakness in my theories, for they are merely formulaic equations of political philosophy. Human nature is, of course, the most important variable in any political equation; but it is also the most inconsistent. I will be satisfied if you find mild entertainment but substantial self-reflection in order to shape your own beliefs in how our social contract should operate. After you have taken time to consider and reflect on the theories, then you can decide which platform you will align yourself to.
Regardless of anything else, consider this: I am a WALKING SATIRE. I cannot run for president because I have been dead for 236 years. COMMON SENSE should tell you, therefore, not to take too many things seriously.
To say that I am astounded at my new and strange surroundings is the understatement of the last three centuries. On average, once per hour I must remind myself to breathe as I am introduced to some new technological revelation.