Author: Ben Franklin

America’s Team Pt. 5 – Conservatives and the Tanking of America

Ben's Journal, Moderate Proposals

A Defense of Tanking

The sole reason why the Sixers have so much (negative) attention is due to our open willingness to lose as many games as possible. We “tank” our season in order to acquire a higher probability of earning the top draft picks for the upcoming season. We planned to build the team around these draft picks based on the hope that one or two of them will grow into full-fledged stars. We lost in order to win in the long-term.

A lot of people criticized it, but there were a bunch of locals who were willing to see what happened. After all, what’s the point of being a team that was only good enough to make it to the first round of the play-offs, only to then lose? Once or twice is fine. But each and every season??? Please! Being a perennial terrible-to-mediocre team is something that the city was used to, so we felt a refreshing jolt of energy from a shameless pursuit of decrepitude. This strategy had been done often, but never as intensely as we did… and we don’t know if it will work, but at least we were trying something different!

(NOTE: The Sixers’ tanking process is not “bad for basketball”. Kevin Durant on the Golden State Warriors is. It created an impossibly gifted basketball team that could only be countered by other teams hiring their own big guns. Thus the arms race began. It thereby created a huge gap between talented teams and bad teams. The Sixers’ “#tankmode” was a strategic long-term response to this short-term era of super teams.)

Is “tanking” an effective process? I’m not sure. After all, the Sixers haven’t won anything yet. They have three potential superstars but only one of them has played at all… and my Philly weariness and wariness is preventing me from making bold and confident claims. But it certainly seems like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

The possible prosperity that the Sixers’ organization could have does shed light on the realistic potential for success of this strategy. While the rest of the competition is focused on winning short-term, long-term success based on strategic short-term losing changes the game. It’s all about attacking the loop-holes of the rules in order to get ahead. It is, therefore, possible to apply this strategy to other facets of life.

The Theory in Politics

So there’s no cute transitional sentence that I can think of to seamlessly segue into this next thought… so here we go:

Conservatives are tanking the government! 

I know, this sounds partisan as hell. But think about the LOGIC:

  1. Conservatives hate Federal control over the states
  2. If THE PEOPLE distrust the federal government, they will be motivated to wrestle power back to the states
  3. THE PEOPLE will distrust the Federal government if the Federal government fails
  4. The Federal government fails if it is either oppressive or incompetent

Therefore…

  1. To reduce the power of the Federal government, Conservatives in power need to be either incompetent or oppressive in order to ensure that it fails

This is cynical, Orwellian, and downright UNREALISTIC, right? Well, we doubted the likelihood of a Donald Trump presidency…

Considering how the Conservatives have operated and evolved over the past two decades, it IS possible that a complete kamikaze-esque operation is their over-arching strategy.

The legacy of “Reaganism” and trickle-down economics combined with a festering frustration over Federal intervention – to combat segregation – has created a strong hatred and distrust of big government by many Conservatives. Their view is: the less government interference in the daily lives of the people, the better.

Whatever. I’m not here to debate that theory. (In some instances, this theory can be beneficial.) But there has been a growing level of incompetence and buffoonery emanating from the “right” that has me asking, “this can’t be real can it?” Humanity, after all, can’t be so inept and ignorant!

Well, consider the machinations of the Republican Party. Their foundation of supporters lies within two different economic populations:

  1. Poor whites who feel like the Left is using big government to destroy institutions and jobs that supported their livelihood, in the name of “progress”
  2. Rich people who want to maintain and increase their wealth by preventing government interference in both regulating the cut-throat – and, sometimes downright unethical – free market and in implementing equitable tax policy to them

The former is the face of the party. The latter is the power of the party. The flooding of money into elections – by the wealthy few – has made puppets of so many politicians. These spineless lemmings will do whatever they have to in order to ensure that they are re-elected. This means fighting to reduce the power of the Federal government.

You still might be rolling your eyes at my theory. Totally fine! But let’s play out this hypothetical situation since, if you’re reading this still, we’ve come so far!

Say you were trying to get the people to distrust the government. You have three routes, that I can think of, to help you achieve your goal: propaganda, obstruction, and incompetence. 

Propaganda

So I was a colonial printer in a different life… literally. I wrote often of the importance of the freedom of speech and the press. An advanced society is one that allows all voices to express opinions freely. Later, we would move on to create that. GREAT… but WHAT THE FOX is going on with present-day Conservative media?! Established as a response to the “unfair bias” of the “liberal media elite”, Conservative media outlets – specifically FOX News, talk-radio, and Breitbart – have distorted and manipulated facts and figures in order to ferment a distrust and disgust amongst the conservative population.

It is not news which they report. It is unapologetic and irresponsible bias. It is propaganda.

These conservative media outlets will lie. They will cheat. They will do whatever they need to in order to make liberals, Democrats, and the Federal Government appear to be evil. It is easy to lie and cheat when they’re an outsider shouting, “Conspiracy!”. If well-respected news outlets report on the propaganda that they push out, then they have proven that they are just “part of the liberal media conspiracy,” There is no respected institution with universal credibility that can call them out on their nonsense.

How do I know that it’s propaganda? Well, they made a huge deal about whether or not Santa Clause was white… They spent 8 years attacking President Barack Obama because he had a “Muslim name”. They argued that he wasn’t American. They somehow compared him to Hitler.

They made poor whites think that all Muslims were terrorists. They made poor whites think that any sort of gun restriction meant that the government was trying to enslave them. The list continues…

One of the most egregious effects of the propaganda is the distortion of the definition for “elite”. They implied that the real “elites” were sophisticated intellectuals who wanted to destroy the country through the un-Christian policy of promoting diversity and equality. They blinded the poor white population to the fact that their biggest foe wasn’t these Progressive intellectuals, but rather the super-wealthy “elites” who were controlling the politicians…

They made being intellectual evil… and through their propaganda, they increased the distrust in the government.

Obstruction

They have the forum and platform. Whatever happened within the government, the propaganda machine is ready to target and attack. But what can be done within the government? Well, the Republican Party has been regarded for decades as being more disciplined and well-organized. And they have utilized their ranks to block government spending whenever they can.

Obstruction in itself is not egregious. It is simple politicking. Both political parties partake in this type of political obstructionism, especially when they are in the minority in Congress and have rival party member as President. I personally have no problem with obstruction coming into play in politics. I have no problem with politicians doing whatever they can to ensure that their constituents have the effective representation, which they are Constitutionally mandated to have. But Republicans have moved

However, there are several shocking examples of obstructionism that have taken Conservatives to a new degree of malice.

When Barack Obama became President, Mitch McConnell and the Republicans claimed, with open frankness, that their number one goal was to ensure the he was a one-term President. They did everything to make sure he was ineffective. They made him compromise often. They even prevented him from his Constitutional duty of selecting a new member of the Supreme Court. When there were issues, the Conservative politicians coordinated with the Conservative propaganda to shout-down how much of an incompetent and evil President he was.

Once again, I am not denying that petty political obstruction is played out on both sides of the aisle. Between the two parties, however, the obstructionism does more to positively impact the goals of the Conservatives. Through obstruction, a log-jam of ineffectual government has further alienated people from both political parties AND has increased the level of distrust of the Federal Government.

Incompetence

I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to identify the way that the Republican party has run the country over the last year as “incompetent”. After seven years of trying to repeal the Affordable Care Act, they finally had the majorities to do so. And they couldn’t do it. They wrote a pathetically un-comprehensive bill that no one liked. Even after last second negotiations – including an ironic promise to some that the bill would NEVER become a law… – they couldn’t pass it. They spent SEVEN years crying about how awful it was. They never thought to spend that time coming up with a viable alternative! How pathetic!

But this has become a part of the modus operandi of Conservatives. They are damn good at organizing themselves, but they are pretty terrible at running the government!

I find myself coming back to this idea that “elite” equals “sophisticated intellectual” in the eyes of Conservatives. I would often see the conservative media refer to President Obama, a Harvard Law School Graduate and Chicago University Law School Professor of Constitutional Law, as an intellectual elitist. They made it seem like it was bad to have a President with his resume.

The last few Republican presidential candidates have had to cater to the “folksiness” of their personalities in order to be electable to their political base. George W. Bush. Sarah Palin. Donald Trump. All of these figures had mass appeal to Conservatives because they didn’t speak with a high level of, for lack of a better word, intellect. They didn’t seem like they were superior to the Average Joe. To be honest, they weren’t. Bush and his “Bush-isms”. Sarah Palin and… well, everything.

Seriously, though. Can you imagine if Sarah Palin were in office? Actually don’t even bother with that exercise because we are witnessing the worst train-wreck of all, Donald Trump, day-in and day-out absolutely dismantling any and all forms of credibility and class that the United States once had.

“Donald Trump might be the single greatest accomplishment of the Conservative movement IF the single greatest priority was to cause mass incompetence and chaos into the Federal Government.”

He is their Frankenstein monster. He is THE EXAMPLE that Conservatives can point to when they want to prove how dangerous it is to have a strong central government. I mean, I’m a Federalist to the very end. I believe truly in a strong central government with a strong Presidential position… until I met Trump. In theory, the strong Presidential figure is fine, as long as the person is qualified. We have a vetting process, known as campaigns, that is supposed to weed out all of the rotten and incompetent candidates… and yet, Donald Trump…

If HE can become President, then maybe we need to reconsider trusting such massive power to the Federal government! Except, if we’re being honest, I’m still in my 12-step recovery plan after he was elected, and I’m reconsidering trusting such important power to the people as well.

Tangent on the Stigma of Intellectual Elites…

If WE, THE PEOPLE can’t even vote right, maybe we should rely on intellectual “elites” to run the country. Because I know I sure don’t want a “folksy” President or whatever the fuck Donald Trump is. I don’t want an inarticulate president. I don’t want I don’t want to sit down and play checkers with my candidate. He’ll be my candidate IF he only plays chess. Even more so, I don’t want him even to play me. I want to challenge my President and have him look me up and down and say, “Fine, but I already know how I’m going to beat you in 5 moves,” That’s my President.

I obviously know that these intellectuals would be corrupted, but DEAR GOD, ignorance is just the worst.

Conclusion

Is it really crazy to believe? I mean, anything is possible after seeing that Donald Trump election. There is such a strong fervor in this country right now. There are calls of “Resistance!” across the population, but it’s from people who are typically in favor of a strong government. When the Federalists are resisting the Government, then it feels like the foundations of the Republic are giving out. So maybe all of this is, in fact, the intention of the Conservative, little-government Tea Partiers.

Maybe I’m incorrect with this assessment. Maybe I’m biased against the illogical arguments steaming from the Tea Party wing. Maybe I’m mislabeling “incompetence” as “malevolence”. This could all be true. But if it is true and I’m wrong about the purposeful tanking of the government by Conservatives, then WHAT THE FLUFF IS GOING ON!?!?

 

 

Trust The Progress… er, I Mean “Process”

Ben's Journal, Moderate Proposals

I have often stated that I am a Progressive. I see a problem, I solve it in a simple way. I repeat. #Progress!

You have often stated that I was an insanely successful juggernaut on the pre-American landscape (I am, of course, paraphrasing…). So, how did I become so successful a Progressive? It came down to two fundamental principles.

Firstly, walk into every room and ask yourself, “how can I make it better?”. This is the staple mentality for any successful Progressive. It implies a concern for the standards of quality in regards to all elements within your vicinity that affect the livelihood of society; both people and environment alike. It also implies a motivation to ensure that those standards are met. It’s not just concern. It’s action.

The other fundamental principle to success is to move with a confidence that borderlines on arrogance. This is the fuel which energizes you. It’s not a comparative, “I’m better than you” mentality. Rather, it’s an understanding that “I am great because I’m trying to improve the lives of all of those around me”. Walk tall because, regardless of how successful your attempt is, you are on the RIGHT SIDE OF HISTORY.

“Right Side” of History

That concept, “the right side of history” is not addressed often enough in discourse. It is a nifty mindset that can help you dictate your long-term legacy in the court of public opinion. Any student of history has the ability to predict which side of a conflict will be memorialized because it follows simple guidelines:

  • It tears down an oppressive barrier to a group of people
  • It ensures positive long-term economic effects that benefit the masses, not just a certain group of people
  • It promotes equality amongst the population

Figures throughout history are revered because of their Progressive challenges to oppressive, conservative status-quos:

  • Thomas Jefferson for stating “all men are created equal” and establishing the foundation arguments for separation of church and state
  • George Washington for surrendering his office of Presidency
  • Abraham Lincoln for abolishing slavery
  • Franklin Roosevelt for supporting the working-class
  • Ghandi for fighting British imperialism
  • Martin Luther King, Jr. for challenging segregation

These men are remembered for their moves that would be considered “Progressive” in their time period. They challenged policies and institutions that had been based off of previous rationale and argument. They altered the course of history for humanity. They opened up opportunities for groups that had once been denied those “inalienable rights of Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness”. They are the ones who are taught about in schools. They are regarded as heroes and are quoted and emulated from people on both sides of political ideology. They are remembered because of their PROGRESSIVISM.

Now, I hope reading this list has raised an eye-brow. That is good, because that means that you can identify the irony…

  • The first two men owned hundreds of slaves
  • The middle two men were racist
  • The last two men were misogynistic

These men were not Gods. Not even Demi-Gods. They were flawed. They had prejudices and biases that prevented them from doing more to ensure equality for all. Often, they were at the forefront of one cause, but disappeared into the mob of contemporary public opinion for other issues. As fair as we think it might be to hope for someone who could push the oppressive boundaries in all directions, this concept is, unfortunately, just not realistic. But all it took was to be on the forefront of one cause, to challenge one indoctrinated evil (and then to prevail) for them to move forward the advancement of society. Did they do something exceptional? Yes. Did they do enough? Probably not. But that’s how change in society occurs…

Societal Evolution

Society is always evolving for the better. The progress sometimes can be rapid. Sometimes it can feel like it is crawling at a snail’s pace. But it’s still progressing. It is a valuable reminder for Progressives. Because progress implies change, it is going to run into resistance each step of the way. Reactionaries, out of fear or anger, will fight back to sabotage progress, either through hindrance or outright reversal. This is the nature of humans! Depending on the conflict, the level of resistance will fluctuate, but it is always guaranteed. That is why any type of progress is still good.

Progress is not easy. It will never provide a clear path. I heard a great story from Daniel Day Lewis, as he played Abraham Lincoln, and it has always resonated with me:

A compass I learnt when I was surveying, it’ll… it’ll point you true north from where your standing, but it’s got no advice about the swamps, deserts and chasms that you’ll encounter along the way. If in pursuit of your destination, you plunge ahead heedless of obstacles, and achieve nothing more than to sink in a swamp, what’s the use of knowing true north?

(Lincoln, 2012)

Compromise

I am a big supporter of COMPROMISE. Throughout negotiations, you will often have to reach compromise. It makes everyone angry. But it also provides a substantial foundation to build upon. You may not be able to fully open the door that shuts you out. However, if you have compromised to get a foot in the door, then it will become less difficult for the next person to come along and provide the effort to open it further.

For example, the Affordable Care Act. It enforces the Progressive belief that all Americans should be protected in affordable healthcare. It did a lot of good in providing accessible healthcare for approximately 20 million people who couldn’t afford it before. However, there are issues with the bill. Because of the process for a bill to become a law, the ACA was altered and changed to cater to hundreds of members of Congress. Some wanted the ACA to go farther to ensure free healthcare. Most wanted it to do waaaaaay less. The end result was a compromised bill that was complicated and inefficient in many ways. Does it need to be revised? Absolutely. However, it finally ensured that Federal government was going to ensure that poor people had access to healthcare… THAT’S PROGRESS! Down the line, it will hopefully become more efficient. But in the meantime, it is a huge accomplishment for Progressives.

This is not to say that you should settle for minimal progress. It is a constant struggle that will always leave you desiring for more to be done. Humanity will provide you with the most stubborn of opponents in your crusade… always. So you must understand that it is a process. As Progressives, you need to TRUST THE PROCESS, and keep fighting for your desired goals.

America’s Team Part 3 – Not Boston

Ben's Journal, Moderate Proposals

There are plenty of arguments that can be made as to why America’s team is really the Patriots. Rebels fighting the British. Tea Party. Sons of Liberty. Hometown of John Adams and me, Ben Franklin. Successful Founders and rich history, indeed!

Nope. Philly prevails. Here’s why:

Boston is important for starting the American rebellion, yes. But the American Revolution starts and finishes in Philadelphia. If we want our image to be a rabble-rousing mob of gun-toting, blue collar workers, then maybe we could consider them… though I guess a lot of America might consider that image very ‘Merican. Not very Enlightened though. Not very Revolutionary… Not like, say, crafting foundational documents which reshape American sociopolitical theory.

Boston’s stock value of American demi-gods is also not as high as one might think… Sorry Patriots of New England. Neither Sam Adams nor John Hancock is significant after they signed the Declaration of Independence. They were NOT helpful in creating the new Republic after the war. Hell, they didn’t really help after starting the war. They were men built for tearing down, and terrible for building up. The just gradually faded away in to local political oblivion.

So the Sons of Liberty don’t help Boston. What else can they claim?

Boston doesn’t get to claim me – Ben Franklin – either. Yes, I was born in Boston. My parents are buried in Boston. I went to school and learned my printing trade in Boston. Boston Enlightened me. But I could not stand the Puritans. If I had stayed in New England, I would have been run out of town, or jailed, for my dismissal of religious fanaticism. I left Boston and I never looked back.

I came to Philadelphia and I made that town. I conceived most of the Progressive and Enlightened institutions established in that city. Philly is my child. Ask any parent: if they had to choose between their own parent or their own child, they would always claim loyalty first, and foremost, to their child. The city, in return, made my success, my fame, my legacy. So my loyalties shifted to Philadelphia. I am connected to that Philadelphia more than I am to Boston.

So, of the Boston characters, there is only John Adams left…

Cool? Forgive me if I don’t roll out the red carpet for that one. Sorry, Boston. Your historical credentials are top-tier…

But Philly is America’s hometown.

America’s Team Part 2

Ben's Journal, Moderate Proposals

The “Cowboy” vs. The “76er”

This is NOT a competition.

I understand that Americans like to view themselves as glorified Cowboys. They are noble tough guy rebels who do what they want; and what they want is to ride into town with guns blazing to kill 60 bad guys and save the damsel. Then, once their heroic deeds are accomplished, they ride off into the sunset. And they smoke Marlboros…

But name three REAL Cowboys: Jesse James? Wyatt Earp? Doc Holliday? Okay, but they were outlaws and U.S. Marshals… not cowboys.

A “76er”, on the other hand, is something else entirely? It’s the member of the Continental Congress from 1776… the Founders of America. They are noble(-ish) rebels who do what they want; and what they want is to stop paying British taxes by fighting, guns blazing, the most powerful Empire that the world had ever seen. They do all this based on the belief that “all men are created equal”. Then, once their heroic deeds are accomplished, they DO NOT ride off into the sunset. They stay and create the new country, raise it, and set it on its path. You know, CREATING AMERICA. Name three REAL 76ers: George Washington! Thomas Jefferson! John Adams! Ben Franklin! I named four. There’s a school in every city named after each of them. And some museums. And some roads. And some colleges. And some cities. And a state….

The 76ers are WAAAAAAY more “American” than the Cowboys.

If you still think it’s a stretch, then you aren’t using COMMON SENSE.

America’s Team: The 76ers

Ben's Journal, Moderate Proposals

I understand the natural inclination to have one professional sports franchise transcend all others, and represent the ideas of our country.

Sooo why are the Dallas Cowboys the ones who earn the title “America’s Team”? How!?

Well, with excellent marketing and sustained success on the field, they have become the most recognizable franchise in the sport, with the infamous “ Silver Star” serving as their beacon. Yes, they played for Dallas, but they represented the entire state of Texas. Sure, that makes sense. One could also argue that they became the top team that attracted disgruntled and casual fans from around the country. (I have no factual statistics to back this statement up… its just a hunch)

But does that earn them the label, “America’s Team”? HELLLLLLLLL NO. You see, America, your loyalties already lie somewhere else.

The real “America’s Team” is the PHILADELPHIA 76ERS… and here’s why:

America’s Hometown

Note: For this exercise, we’re going to pretend that America as an entity thinks like a person (after all, corporations can be…)

When I consider the mantle “America’s Team”, I define it as “the team America supports”. LOGIC tells me that there are two ways to determine your loyalties:

  1. Your hometown/family tradition
  2. The successful/attractive team you see on television while you are growing up.

Considering America was born before any of these sports were created, it didn’t watch any sports growing up. So the second option is off the table. Besides, it is petty, superficial, shallow, and treacherous to abandon your own hometown team because another team is more successful. America wouldn’t do that.

So therefore, America would support Philadelphia in all of its sports because, God Dammit, America is loyal! Hell, the city knows what it truly represents! It doesn’t shy away from the connections. Three out of the five major sport teams have names relating to the United States. Look at the naming of its teams:

  • The most popular sport in America, football, has a Philadelphia team named “The Eagles”. While it’s naming stems from the logo of Franklin Roosevelt’s American Recovery Act, the name still strongly connects to the American symbol, the eagle.
  • The most popular sport in the world, soccer, has a Philadelphia team named “The Union”. This stems from the creation of one country from multiple states… you know, America…

Considering football is the most popular sport in the country, the Eagles would seem to be the Philly team to argue in favor of as the American symbol. However, the NFL is going through a really big image problem right now. Ratings are low. Also, America’s image is struggling at home and abroad. We are going through some growing pains (that happens when you take progressive steps forward).

With a duel image crisis happening, maybe it’s time to rethink who “America’s Team should really be. America, I’d like to introduce you to the 76ers.

Think about the marketing!

Basketball is the fastest growing sport in the world. If we are trying to reassert our popularity image, basketball should be the sport. Think about the popularity of the U.S. Men’s Basketball team at the Olympics in any city… Every other athlete wants to get pictures with them. We win fans of America through this.

Now consider the Sixers: a young and exciting team with rich – but not too rich – history. There is lots of room for growth in our popularity. But what we lack in fans, we also lack in haters. No one hates the 76ers. For most of the team’s existence, it has remained irrelevant. So we can always evolve our image to take on new responsibilities.

Is it that much of a stretch to remake the American Team with the Sixers?

Obviously, the Philadelphia 76ers get their name from the year 1776… the birth year of our country. That number will always connect us with the Founding Fathers – the men who we love to credit with creating the values and philosophies that shaped our country’s identity. We, the Founders, are more representative of the “American image” than a stupid fluffing “Cowboy”…

Use Common Sense. If I’m going to pick one team to truly be America’s team, I’m going to follow a logical formula:

  1. America’s hometown is Philadelphia
  2. Basketball is the fastest growing sport in popularity in the world
  3. Philadelphia’s basketball team is the Philadelphia 76ers
  4. The 76ers = the Founding Fathers
  5. The Founding Fathers established the values and principles of “America”

Therefore…

  1. America’s Team is the Philadelphia 76ers

It’s just Common Sense.

Chapter 2 – Riddlin’

Life and Times of the Philly O.G., Rap

First song = HUGE SUCCESS

My kids didn’t realize I could keep a rhythm or write rhymes… but then again, the bar was set pretty low. I could have written half as much and rapped reeeeeeally slow and they STILL would have enjoyed it. Not much is expected of us, TEACHERS, when it comes to creativity. So, I could have gone full blown “Dr. Seuss” and they would have gone nuts.

Did they understand everything I said? Nope. In fact I had to follow-up with them afterwards that I had, in fact, called them out. I had some difficulty with a few of the vocabulary words so I forcefully (and unpoetic as all Hell…) inserted them into latter bars of the rap.

Did they learn all of the words? Wellllll…. sort of. In hindsight, you should not perform a study guide Vocab Rap on THE DAY OF THE TEST… allowing the students no chance to actually study… oops!

Oh yea, they also didn’t believe that I was really Ben Franklin. In fact, they didn’t even notice the name drop in the first place. When I repeated the line (an equivalent to explaining a joke…) they figured it was my rap name. They definitely do not believe that I am actually Ben Franklin. Oh well! I guess that makes sense since YOU don’t either…

On the plus side, they really liked that line: “So sophisticated I made Rick Ross say, ‘Huh!?’”… so that’s a win!!!!

I got all of my students’ attention. Some of them accepted my challenge. For Vocabulary Unit 2, they were ready to throw down. “Quiz Day” would be renamed “The Thunderdome”.

Now, I would LOVE to say that they spent every hour working on their own vocabulary raps. That would’ve been LOVELY. Instead, I got them to work on it twice in their study-hall… over the course of 4 weeks. And that was only after I extorted them about EXTRA CREDIT. (It got them to write, so don’t judge me.) The IRONY was that they would walk over to me in study-hall to ask if they were using vocabulary words correctly in otherwise slang-filled rhymes:

“You ugly f— punk, your face a abomination…”

OR

“It’s so adventitious that your booty so circuitous…”

AND

“Yo, Nonymous, your synonymous with a hippopotamus…”

(No vocab in this one, it’s just my favorite…)

I knew then what I was getting myself into. I needed to reset the expectations about the INOFFENSIVE lyric clause. There could be none. So that I didn’t lose control of my classes. They needed to be respectful to each other as well as to me. Otherwise, we would not continue with it. In reality, I just didn’t want to get into trouble…

… but I also knew I needed to still come at their necks pretty badly. (Translation: I was going to figuratively demolish them through ridicule). The second OG RULE is: “You attack them once, shame on you. You attack them twice, period.” I came right back at them. I was swinging away with each bar, casting aside all takers.

There was benefit of using all of the vocabulary words in the rap. All of my insults took on a heightened sense of sophistication… making it even more condescending, yet sounding less so.

Plus I kept it fast paced with lots of complex-sounding, multiple-syllable words… it’s a doozy to spit in one take…

The night before the quiz, I created my Power Point. I went to bed early and woke up early. I read an excellent section from a biography of Henry Clay and fried up two eggs with pork roll on the side. I put on another sophisticated “teacher” outfit and I headed to school.

Summer had rolled into fall. The emerald leaves had faded into a rusted auburn that was only a few shades from my hair color. I popped on my head phones and marched.

My Pandora station this time? Birdman…

“Riddlin” Lyrics

(VOCABULARY words in bold*)

My skill so ill, it’ll kill all ages,

You best be courageous, ‘cause my spits is contagious

It’s so advantageous, not ADVENTITIOUS

That I made an assignment where I get to murder you (Biscuits!)

You’re sitting there simmering, miserably COMMISERATING,

You’re anger’s FERMENTATING into straight ABOMINATING

You’ll sit here PECULATING all the rhymes that I’m creating,

I ain’t speculating by sayin’ that your cheaply imitating,

Never duplicating, though unknowingly EXPIATING

Yo, you’re rapping my vocab, that’s INADVERTENT ACCULTURATIN’

You’ve done what I wanted, so congrats! I win!

I got you studyin’, and I win the crown again

Your VITRIOLIC PROCLIVITY’S not giving me remorse,

I told you, “Stop being mean.” I ENJOINED you from this course

But you kids got that attitude, can’t handle your stress,

Your rhymes is TENUOUS, moving your pencil’s strenuous

So trust me, I ain’t afraid that your song gon’ drop,

I got that SANGFROID ‘cause your song gon’ flop

I’m algebraic the way I’m so formulaic, you can’t hold me, though

No equating. Your skill’s NOMINAL, I’m polynomial

My function’s coefficient multiplying to new editions,

I make laws, so watch that CIRCUITOUS SEDITION,

You never should chose to come at me, but you’ll never listen

Next time I say “Wanna go!?” Stick with NONCOMMITTAL indecision

Try to WHEEDLE like a needle, move quick with precision

This’ll EXPEDITE the process, and make for better conditions,

Cause in this game, it’s all about allegiances you makin’

You know how I know that? ‘cause I’m B. Franklin.

Chapter 1 – Moment of Clarity Pt. 2

Life and Times of the Philly O.G.

The Challenge

My kids like to trash talk. So do I. Many of my dialogues with my students in the hallways go like this:

Student: Yo, you’re trash at ball…

Me: Yo, I’m smarter than you…

You know, stuff like that. The only way that I’m going get them interested is if I can get them to feel the need to respond to me. Plus, I AM smarter than them; that’s why I am teaching them.

So if I’m going to write a rap that’s worthy for my students to respond, I needed to follow the Rap Commandments that I had developed:

10 Rap Commandments

  1. No one is better than you. #Fact.
  2. When starting out, sample popular beats. If it’s good enough for Drake, it’s good enough for you.
  3. Address everyone as haters and rivals unless they are on your TEAM. Then they’re Fam.
  4. You came from the bottom. This industry is only for those who struggled and hustled (working hard/doing anything) against the established system and authority in order to get where they are. The more illegal, the better.
  5. Hype yourself up by using metaphors, similes, and hyperboles. It’s quantity OVER quality on this one…
  6. Act and speak like you don’t give a “feck”. In fact, say that you don’t “Give. A. FECK.” just so there’s no confusion.
  7. Briefly allude to at least one physical altercation to establish your toughness.
  8. You are so attractive to the opposite sex that you don’t understand rejection… which, actually, is not good.
  9. Money, Money, Money. No money = No credit. Specifically reference BEN FRANKLIN in any and all songs… in order to directly correlate yourself with economic success. (#BOSS)
  10. When in doubt, drop another F-bomb for MOTHERFECUND emphasis.

With my trusty format, I went about crafting my masterpiece. I chose to use Jay-Z’s “Moment of Clarity”. Immediately in the verse, I identified the conflict as being the cliché “Old School vs. New School” debate. As antagonist, I argued that “new rap” is lazy and shitty. In order to establish my credentials, I addressed a conversation that I had partaken in with Jay-Z. He gave me his blessing to educate the youth with his raps. (#truth) Oh yea! And I incorporated the 20 vocabulary words as well…

Oh, I didn’t reference money in my rap (Commandment #9…). Instead, I finally revealed myself to be Ben Franklin…

I was ready to break the world. The morning of the presentation, I woke up at 4:45 AM; I completed my 30 minutes of reading; And I dressed in my best “Teacher” outfit. As I began the 30 minute walk to school, I popped on my headphones and zoned out to the bass of “Rick Ross” Pandora…

Yea, Rick Ross… Get over it.

With my masterpiece written, I quickly rushed to school. I totally forgot to have a visual presentation for them to read as I rapped! I powered through 30 minutes to create a Power Point slide show. The formula was simple:

  1. Place 2-4 lines of lyrics on a slide
  2. Take a “selfie”
  3. Email the “selfie” to myself
  4. Attach the “selfie” to the slide.
  5. Repeat

Now I was completely prepared. I was ready to deliver my firing shots… and reveal myself to the world.

So here’s the first rap in my autobiographical mixtape…

“Moment of Clarity” Lyrics

Rap is LAME, that’s what people have been saying

DECADENT rappers only wanna make it rain and

Talking bout the bling and LURID things, it’s JADED

SIMULATING lifestyles of the rich and famous

But their words are weak, they better get strong

Every other word I hear is just another F-bomb

It’s so lazy! So I prayed to Jay-Z

Like: Dear Hov I wonder can you save me,

He said, “nah just INTERCEDE, for me

ASSUAGE this situation with a dictionary,

Scare em with your stock of vocabulary

This structured struggle needs moments of clarity,”

So that’s my PREROGATIVE, to EXPOSTULATE

Y’all to save the genre before its too late

So no more INNUENDOS, its time for some straight talk

Dop all the UMBRAGE, don’t be a PROVINCIAL

I taught 50 how to stunt, Meek to be a boss

So sophisticated, I made Rick Ross say “HUH”?

I taught Miley how to twerk!

Such a teacher, I taught Harry Potter how to curse!

Pick the location, I’ll break you down to basics

MERITORIOUS for being so gloriously creative

And I’m back now after my HIATUS

I’m Ben Franklin TRANSCENDING generations

I’m amazing, nothing more to say kid

Switching criticisms into APPROBATIONS

I’m a pro, yo, and now your on probation

Prove that you’re a rapper! Quick! Time’s a-wasting!

Please, nothing lyrically HACKNEYED

Put a COALITION of them words to this beat

I’ll ELICIT all your creativity

With an UNCTUOUS look, I’ll pretend to be beat…

…sike

Chapter 1 – Moment of Clarity Pt. 1

Life and Times of the Philly O.G.

One could argue that the best place to start this story would be at the very beginning of my creation. The moment that I opened my eyes and looked up at my bright eyed scientist creators. But NOPE! I will use later pieces for the necessary exposition…

Rule #1 of story-telling: Give the reader just enough information to understand the current scene, and nothing more.

The real beginning of this story was the day that I chose to incorporate rap into my English class…

It made perfect sense!

Context – Rap in the Classroom

For some context, my students couldn’t quote Shakespeare but they could regurgitate, at will, any lyrics from Kendrick or Meek Mill. Rap incorporated a storytelling style that was FAR more interesting to them than the “classics” ever were. They connected with the cracked “streets” of Philly, not the cobblestone roads of “fair Verona”. I was cool with it; I loved rap!

Who gave a shit that it had foul words!? They were listening to the music anyway… so I might as well create a forum to talk about it.

I used our mutual interest in the art form to help them practice identifying literary elements and devices used by rappers and authors alike. They used them to search for context clues related to unfamiliar slang.

I had them explain to me who they thought won the Jay-Z and Nas beef. They had to, in writing, craft their argument. Assertions were made and were required to be supported by strong quotes (lyrics). Context set up the foundation of the argument and the commentary on the quotes solidified the entire treatise.

It had… mixed results… but the kids definitely were more interested. So I tried to keep rap prevalent in my classroom, even if it was relegated to the occasional “relief lesson” placement.

Rap also gave me an opportunity to create my own content which the students would, ideally, memorize and recite. I’ve seen pre-schoolers not know how to spell their own name but knew how to spell “I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T” thanks to Lil’ Boosie.

Going into the Fall of 2015, I knew I was going to start rapping for my students. I had learned a lot of vocabulary through my own verses when I was younger. It felt like a good approach for my students to learn the vocabulary for the test. But I knew that they wouldn’t just do it. I had to approach it in the only way I knew how. Bribery.

I gave students an extra credit opportunity. If they wrote a “poem” (but I meant “rap”…) using all 20 vocabulary words in the unit, they would receive 2 EXTRA HOMEWORK CREDITS!!!!

… no one cared. No one was going to do it.

So I decided I would…

(To be continued…)

Franklin For President – Introduction and FAQs Pt. 2

Life and Times of the Philly O.G.

How is it possible that you are back?

You know… science…

Alright, fine…

“Science”*

I’m sorry. I wish that there was a better answer here… but I really I don’t know how they did it. The scientists – my creators –  explained it to me… and I really tried to focus and learn, I really did… but they lost me at the phrase DNA… (“Seriously, what!?! Deoxy-what?? Oh, it’s my blood? Just say that next time!”)

In other words,  you gotta ask them. I just have no idea.

But here are the basics:

Apparently they took some of my blood from my grave (and cracked the stone in process!) and then they created more of the blood with a “machine” that can replicate blood… annnnnnnd that’s all I can remember.

Seriously, my head hurts just trying to reiterate that… I’m not accustomed to the complexities of your science.

I died a loooooooooooooooooooooong time ago. At least I’m doing a good job going with the flow, though. I mean, can you imagine if it was John Adams that came back to life?? I sure as Hell can. And in my imagination, it’s fucking unbearable!

But I do trust science. You should too! In the end, all that matters is that I, Ben Franklin, have returned to the present-time.

Why didn’t you immediately tell the world that you were “Ben Franklin”?

Let’s be honest. You would NOT have believed me, in the first place. You still don’t!

Secondly, if you think that I’m going to just come back to the present time period and immediately expose myself to the world, then you are NOT thinking.

Do you know how much of a culture shock it is to come back to life 220 years in the future? (You don’t do you? So back off…)

I’m a primitive scientist. Practical genius. A man of logic. Basically I’m in the algebraic category of science. Formulas of arithmetic and x- y- variables. The formulas of simple machines.

Unfortunately, this has no bearing in the present day since we’re in a calculus world. A realm of abstract and advanced equations. The internet and quantum mechanics. That’s above my level.

I died 20 years before the bicycle was invented… so what THE FUCK is a train?!?!

I play checkers. This is chess…

So I took a couple years to get accustomed to the new society. In hind sight, it was a REEEEEEEEEEALLY good call.

So, why did you choose to unveil your true identity right now?

Well, for starters, I felt that 5 years prepared me with a sufficient understanding of society, business, politics, etc…

More importantly, I was really pissed off at the Alexander Hamilton Musical. Was it good? Yes. But on principle, HELL NOPE!

I am already annoyed that I will forever be remembered as being a fat, old, bald guy… and now they aren’t including me in MY OWN DAMN ERA!?!

It was time to respond.

Why did you choose to create a Mixtape as your format?

Shout out to my students. I’ve connected with them through rap. Turns out that is the best format for me. I always liked rhyming and poetic verse when I was young. It was an easy way of adding rhythm, to a music-less life. Rap has been such a nice surprise for me! They like it too. We connected. All I had to do was adjust to the new cultural elements around slang, subject matter, literary devices, and then I was able to kick it with my kids.

Since I had already had the rap background, a mixtape seemed like the appropriate way to respond to a RAP musical. I figured we’d settle this the way that the Founding Fathers had always intended… through an underground mixtape heard by dozens of people.

Okay, but… I’m still not getting it. How is it possible that you are back??

JESUS CHRIIIIIIST! It took less time to convince you of the science behind Jurassic Park…

Just enjoy the damn story!

Franklin For President – Introduction and FAQs Pt. 1

Ben's Journal, Life and Times of the Philly O.G.

Introduction and F.A.Q.s

Hello!

This might feel like a very odd and abstract concept for you to understand… but you are currently having a VERY one-sided conversation with Ben Franklin…

Congratulations!

I understand that you have questions. I’ll answer them shortly. But first let me say:

HEY! I’m back! Not newly back, though. I’ve actually been back for about 5 years now… soooo surprise!

I’m not old. I am 29 years old with a full head of reddish brown hair and a RAGING deficit of attention… wait that was disordered. BUT, I’m feeling crazy healthy and energetic. I got plans. I got goals. And I’m feeling ready to conquer the 21st century the way I dismantled the 18th century… like a total and complete BO$$.

But let’s start with some FAQs:

Where have you been for the past five years???

It was 2012 when I was brought back, thanks to “science”. Science was not being adequately supported and funded so the scientists couldn’t afford to contain me. I had no time to acclimate to my new world. I was responsible for going out to make a living to support myself. They figured that, since every other 24 year old in the country was poor and in debt, I was on relatively equal footing. Their only condition was that, if I became successful and wealthy, I would turn around and use my wealth to fund and support Philadelphia education. I nodded and said, “Deal.” And then I left…

After leaving the science laboratory, I wandered into my old stomping grounds, Olde City, or, as I called it, “Philadelphia”. With no job, no identity, no passport, I needed money fast. Fortunately, I was able to quickly find a job, playing myself.

I stood at my grave, contemplating my future life. The printing trade was out of the question thanks to “computers”. I had no applicable skills or experience to any business in this age. At that somber moment, a big rotund man in a brown colonial suit walk up with bifocals and a mullet… he was portraying Ben Franklin… me. He spoke with a muddled accent which was a pretty shitty impression, honestly… but as I listened to him regurgitate every aphorism and Poor Richards quote, it occurred to me: I could do the same thing he was doing, and make instant cash.

So I began giving tours. I did all types of tours in the city. Bus tours, walking costumed tours, neighborhood walking tours. Ghost tours. Beer tours. I played both “Ben Franklin” and an alias, mild-mannered “Anthony Nonymous” (NAWN-uh-MUSS). I was young, energetic, and… well I loved to learn. I remembered every question that I was unable to answer and would find the answer in my library. I was able to catch up on a lot of history and politics and culture this way… and my notebooks are extensive… like I could make money from my Franklin Notebooks. But I was excellent at tours. Every tour review for me was basically the same: “A. Nonymous is the best tour guide I’ve ever had. Seriously, the best tours come from A. Nonymous!”

After a couple years of giving tours, I had made connections with several schools whom I enjoyed working with. One school offered me a position as a substitute teacher. I said, “Of course!” Having mastered the tour industry, I was ready for a new challenge. Teaching students in Philadelphia seemed like a noble cause…

It wasn’t. At least, not substitute teaching. Substitute teaching is not noble. Substitute teaching is battle. It’s no-holds-barred. You walk in and show an ounce of fear, they know it… and they attack. I was NOT ready. I was a building substitute for a whole high school… this meant I didn’t see students enough for them to respect me. Buttttt I still saw them enough for them to remember me and every mistake I made. And I made A LOT of mistakes. To be fair, if I were their age, I would’ve messed with me, too.

I felt like I finally had a noble challenge! I would educate these monsters until they respected and learned from me. It would be foolish to stay in the role of substitute; I needed my own classroom. I applied to schools around the city and was offered a position of senior English teacher at Franklin University Charter High School in Old City Philadelphia. It was FATE. I gladly took the position and spent the last 3 years learning how to teach. Nothing has been better for me to understand the current culture of my city than teaching.

(FAQ Continued Thursday…)